"It has long been known" - I didn't look up the original reference.
"A definite trend is evident" - These data are practically meaningless.
"While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions" - An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.
"Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study" - The other results didn't make any sense.
"Typical results are shown"
- 1 This is the prettiest graph.
- 2 The best results are shown.
"These results will be in a subsequent report" - I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
"In my experience" - Once.
"In case after case" - Twice.
"In a series of cases" - Thrice.
"It is believed that" - I think.
"It is generally believed that" - A couple of others think so, too.
"Correct within an order of magnitude" - Wrong.
"According to statistical analysis" - Rumor has it.
"A statistically-oriented projection of the significance of these findings" - A wild guess.
"A careful analysis of obtainable data" - Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass iced tea.
"It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs"
- 1 I don't understand it.
- 2 I need more grant money.
- 3 I can get at least one more paper out of this.
"After additional study by my colleagues" - They don't understand it either.
"Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions" - Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
"A highly significant area for exploratory study" - A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
"Handled with extreme care during the experiments" - Not dropped on the floor.
"Presumably at longer times" - I didn't take the time to find out.
"This paper will omit a review of the more recent literature in favor of" - I don't know if anything has been written on this since my dissertation.
"Various authorities agree" - I overheard this in the hall.
"It was observed that" - One of my students noticed that..
"No discussion would be complete without reference to the contributions of" - I need another footnote on this page.
"This research has left many questions unanswered." - I didn't find anything of significance.
"This finding has not yet been incorporated into general theory" - Perhaps my next graduate student will make sense of it.
"It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field" - I quit.